I'm a stubborn person. I can deal with change when I set it in motion, but when I'm forced to change I have a hard time coping.
Without getting in to any level of detail I find myself in a situation I didn't intend to be in at this stage in my life. I've had plans for myself, who I would be and how I would get there. These plans weren't particularly grandiose, they were logical progressions and they were comfortable. Unfortunately over the course of a half-hour conversation I am now frantically adjusting—recreating—these plans.
I'm having a hard time removing myself from the situation and gaining perspective. I know I can handle this and that the feelings I have towards the situation, and life in general, will pass. However the nasty period between "I can't imagine things being different" and "I'm alright" is an ugly place and I'm ready to be through it.
I feel like I'm a kid learning his first lesson about how life isn't fair. I still hold this romantic notion that good things will come to those who do good things. But that's not the case. The world is political, good things come to those who are lucky and those who know people.
This website is as close as I keep to a journal, so you'll have to forgive the sad view into my head. I hope to look back on this in a few months and feel stupid for letting myself feel this down. I'm not giving up, I'm just one bruise closer to a pessimist.
Update: I'm over it.
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